Man, my heart has just been heavy today. Like, can I just spit some reality and already obvious truth into your life? If anyone ever told you being a Christian would be easy, they LIED. We live in such a small, tight, narrow way of life... even Jesus said it's the road less taken, the path less formed. Some days I just want to scream and (if I was in shape) run... and keep on running. I know I am babbling, so let me make things a little more clear.

Some days I wake up and i'm just like... dude, what are you doing? If God really had His hand over you then why is all of this happening. Why are you crying yourself to sleep almost every night and your confidence in who God says you are is dying daily? It's funny how life works. What's even more comical, is how God works. I swear right when I feel like giving up He pulls me through. I think the hardest thing for me that I had to do was swallow my pride and pray for my enemies. For the people who have hurt me... Don't get me wrong, that took a lot. It wasn't easy. All of my flesh just wanted to get into someone's face and try and throw down with those who tried and break me. But can I just be real?

My mouth has always been an issue. At times I feel like my attitude is on some other level, my flesh tries to come at me from all angles, it hits even worse whenever I haven't been in the Word. I've always wanted to see myself as a woman of God and the moment I started listening to the noises coming from the crickets, I lost focus of who I was... only for a split second. I get angry, maybe a cuss word slips in my mind, I find myself idolizing women who have that perfect hourglass figure and perfect hair that falls so perfectly down their back. I lie when I say "i'm fine" or "it ain't nothing". Heck, some days I feel like I die a little more on the inside because I struggle with my identity in Christ. I put up a front here and there, don't want people thinking i'm weak minded or can't handle when life shoots it's bullets at me. But please... just let me be real.

Hello?! Can I just speak for myself and say I am not perfect just because I call myself a Christian. And just because sometimes I question God and His ways does not mean my relationship with Him has shifted down a level. I'm not saying this lifestyle that I have devoted myself to is too much on me. You won't catch me reverting back to my old ways or throwing in the towel. What I am saying though is I am human. YOU are human for feeling this way. God knew what He was doing when He called you into a mission and spoke promises into our lives. God don't make mistakes and He's for sure not going to forget about you if you struggle accomplishing everything you are called to me, 

So each morning when you wake up and you feel like the last straw is coming, literally, put that lame ol' devil back in his place. He has no authority over you, whatsoever. Times get rough, they get hard, I can't even begin to tell you how many times I have just wanted to hide and shut everyone out. I'm trying to just be real and as honest as I can... keep on keeping on, seriously. Kick butt and know that God's you. This is a crazy roller coaster we're on... but praise God because His plan has purpose. Those hard times result in growth, Stand your ground and don't waver. God is good.