Sometimes your biggest motivator… is YOURSELF. I feel like life is an emotional roller coaster. One minute everything is going great and then out of nowhere insecurities, doubts, and worry begin to tie our hands behind our back and push us around. Leaving ourselves in such a vulnerable state surely people can read the shame that seems to engulf us. It is an uncomfortable feeling, it’s not fun. The pain is real. The masks we put on are only temporary. We think there is no way God remembers us, no way He remembers the promises He has spoken over us—Lord, I am not enough. I doubt You could use someone like me and turn every wrong thing I have ever done into something good, pure, and beautiful.                

 See, this is exactly the mindset the enemy wants us to have. He wants us to predict a future for us that the Lord never once spoke into existence. A lot of the times this is where we get weary in our walk, weakened in our faith, and the white flag is waving in the air. We have surrendered… but to the wrong things. We have let down the walls, but not by choice. It was taken by force and without mercy. Dissatisfaction begins to seep into our every thought, indwelling in sin that has us by a chain. This is how I lived… this is how sometimes I live and have to remind myself who I am.

I am Ashlea Michelle Calicott. I am the DAUGHTER of the Most High, the Creator of Heaven and Earth. I have royalty in my blood. If I supposedly know who I am then why am I allowing the enemy to treat me like the scum of the Earth? He wants us to turn away from the victorious mindset into the victim mindset. To doubt who I am, doubt my worth, to bathe in shame and pity. But that’s when coaching myself and being my own motivator comes into play. Yes, it is easy to turn to other people and get advice, have someone hype me up for a little bit and then I am back to the state of mind where I previously was. People won’t always be there, though. That’s when I have to run to God. Run like I have never ran before and kneel before Him. The temporary advice of others fades away but the strength of the Lord has so much power and peace that makes me want to keep running back to seek His face.

God, take me back to the place where I am vulnerable in Your presence. Guide me to the point in my life where I had the innocence of a child, where I sought you with all that I had. Nothing or no one can hold me back from reaching the full potential I am intended to walk down. I will run the race; I will see growth pains as beauty and wisdom. I am made in the fullness of Christ.

Persistency and consistency is key. Realizing all that I am and what I am made of belongs to Jesus. He is my provider. I can get through any storm, any obstacle, and any trial. Insecurities will flee, hurt will become healing, and bondage will be broken. I am running to you, Lord. I am running. I will run to the Mercy Seat.